I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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