in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
