so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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