Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I touched a dick in church today
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
