remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
