Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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