I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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