cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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