Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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