well you can't waste a boner
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
