WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
