I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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