That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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