I wanna bring you to show and tell
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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