A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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