wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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