I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
