I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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