how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
