Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
