So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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