this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
