I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize