The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
