i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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