3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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