Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
