Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You left your phone here
Wait...
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