there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
