What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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