Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
