Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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