there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
