I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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