i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
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I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
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YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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