I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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