It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
