Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
