if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
