Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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