Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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