Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
