Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
