So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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