are you still at the devil's house?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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