so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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