I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
