ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize