the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
