Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
