My room smells like vodka and shame
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
