Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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