that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Someone signed my nipple.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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