24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
try to milk me bitch
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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