She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
