Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
