Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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