Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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