Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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