just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
