you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
