i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
