Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize