I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
