i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
