Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
