he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
