my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
