I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
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Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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