No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
