it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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